Alcoholic Kind of Mood.

I’m half asleep, so pardon this rambling on and on that I’m about to do.  I’ve got shit on my mind, and this is my only outlet, so there.

Mm, I don’t even know where to start.

So, for a while I was fine with the way I looked, and lately it’s changed, and I don’t know why, but it certainly hasn’t been for the better.  I feel like squirming every time anyone’s gaze lands upon me now, even Seth’s, and it bothers me.

School and shit are about to start dropping again, the grade aspect anyway.
For a while I was doing fine and now…well I just don’t know.

I let shit get to me way too much, and once again, I’ll say I worry too much, but will that help it? No, it won’t, because I have complexes and stupid shit bothers me.

UASKDFAJLERJAIOWERJKASDFJ

Fuck.

I worry about me and Seth, the relationship you know, and all that stuff.  I don’t know, it’s probably fine, but I nitpick every little thing I think is wrong.

Haha, I think I’m going to cry.  I don’t think I’ve cried over stupid shit in a while.

I don’t know, I really don’t.  I feel due for a good break-down right about now.

I will not give in to my fucking self destructive ways.  It’s been way too long to go back to that..

Even though it did seem to help.

Yeah, my vision just went blurry, fucking tears, can’t they see I’m typing here?

-Insert huge sigh here-

I just don’t know anymore.  I’ve thought a few times about calling Mike, but I don’t have the time to look up his e-mail and okay a call with him, so I guess I’ll be just fine.

Even though I know I won’t be.

I Got The Lead!

    Alright, so my show choir class is doing Seussical this six weeks, and I got the lead female part! I’m so excited! It’s going to be so much fun! Oh geez! I can’t wait!

Just Jo Ann

A.K.A Gertrude McFuzz

Nice Legs, Great Smile.

 [ Property of me, you know since it is OF me.]

Today mother and I went out for a little time in town.  I bought a couple new things, including the leopard print leggings I’m wearing in the picture above.  Today was a good day.  I have an audition for the upcoming Seussical, the next musical we’re performing, tomorrow.  Today in advisory I spoke to my friend Samantha about making appointments for gynocological exams, and how the Health Department won’t tell my mother I’ve been there and such, so I’m going to call and set up an appointment for some time soon.  You know, just because since I’m having sex I should go get everything checked out.  Should’ve had a gyno long before now, but my mother wouldn’t bother because “I’m a virgin”. The confidentiality makes me happy, though, so I’ll be setting that up in no time.  I get to see Seth on Friday, and mom and I are making stir-fry in just a bit, so I’ll post again whenever I have time.

Love,
Just Jo Ann

Ringing in the New Year.

Coming to you live from a small town in Tennessee.

My Mother and I

This year started out well I suppose. Smashed off my ass, in the arms of Seth. It was grand.

My mother is having issues with the fact that I stay away from home for a while at a time, but who can honestly blame me? I’m seventeen, and I have a life. I really don’t see her problem, except that she’s suffering from what my brother calls “empty nest syndrome”. I can seriously see that being her problem, no sarcasm intended at all. My mom’s pretty clingy, but I don’t know. I just have this urge to get away as much as I can. Maybe the shit from my past that happened with my family that didn’t seem to bother me was just locking it’s self away so it could torment me now. Either way, I hate being here.

She gets jealous because I like Seth’s family so much, too. But fuck me running, is that really my fault? No, it isn’t. God I just hate it. She acts so harshly toward me now, and she doesn’t realize that all she’s doing is pushing me further away. She’s probably just not used to her kids being gone so much. I mean, fuck, Sis & Bud didn’t have much of lives, and they’re both moved out now, so I guess I’m all she has left. I just wish she’d leave me alone. When she rides me constantly about staying gone and not caring about her, it really makes me feel like shit, when I don’t have a reason to, really. I don’t know. She says that all a parent wants is for their child to be happy, and that she can see I’m happy with Seth, so why does she bother me so much about spending time with him?  Fuck this just knocks me around rattle-brained side-ways. Fuck it.

Me & Seth.

Well, we’re doing really good actually.  We talk about stuff a lot, and it’s hard for me to look him in the eyes still, but I’m getting better.  Never been too good with it anyways, honestly.  We’re just kind of at a level plain in our relationship, where everything’s not awesome, but it’s not bad.  It’s just…idling along at a nice steady pace, and we’re both content.  Of course I could be the only one with the “steady idling plain” idea, but eh, who cares really.  I still love spending time with him, and he’s so amazing.  I just wish I could fix everything that upsets him.

I guess that’s it for now, it’s rounding on 11:05, and I have school tomorrow, so I should probably jump in bed soon, though I most likely won’t.  Either way Happy New Year, and I hope yours is amazing.

No resolutions this year, wonder why?

JustJoAnn

Psycho Bitch Outta’ Hell.