Heartache.

Do you know

How long I would have tried

Just to make you happy

So I could see your smiling eyes again

How could you know

The things that I had planned

But it all dead-panned

Because your blue prints were out in the rain

Give me a chance to take it back

Everything that I have said

From I love you, to the wishes you were dead

Let’s start over

There’s a tune in my head

And I’m playing it out

Playing it out loud so maybe you can

Figure out how long it will take

Until my reserves begin to break and bleed

This me and only me

Take the time to re-assess

Think you’ve found your happiness

I know, you’re never coming back

We’ll never have a home

I’m waiting for the rain to come

Just Jo Ann Original.

I love you, kill me.

Right now, I feel as if nothing could make my life worse.  This is going to seem juvenile and completely unintelligent.  Seth broke up with me for about two weeks.  He claimed that he couldn’t handle a relationship.  After the two weeks we got back together, saying that we didn’t know what to do without each other.  Last night, he called me, drunk as usual, and broke my heart into miniscule shards from what was left. He kept telling me that he wasn’t for me, but I begged to differ.  I screamed and I cried and now I can do nothing but sit here and hope that the next wave of emotion that hits me is less severe than the last.  My eyes are sore and my knuckles hurt from hitting so many things.  I told him I did not think I would ever get over him, and he told me to burn the pictures, that it would help.  He doesn’t understand that I loved him so thoroughly that my life without him seems to come to a stand-still.  There’s no reason to live anymore if I’m not going to be able to have a loving embrace waiting for me at the week’s end.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.  I thought that we could work through problems, I thought we were meant to be.  The two weeks we were broken up before, every boy I thought I liked I could only compare to Seth.  It just doesn’t make sense.  He told me that he loved me and I argued that if he did he would be with me.  He said he has to make himself happy before he involves anyone else.  He told me that I made him happy in the beginning, and I told him that no matter how horrible he was to me he made me happy.  I can’t help but fear that this is the end of the world as I know it.  All things pure and beautiful are masked by a film of misery and disgust for anything that breathes.

I told him he was the only one who called me beautiful and made me believe it.

He told me I was still beautiful.

Just Jo Ann.

At A Loss of How To Live.