She Is Sure.

When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky.

All was golden when the day met the night.

When the moon found the sun, he looked like he was barely hanging on, but her eyes saved his life.

In the middle of summer, all was golden in the sky.

All was golden when the day met the night.

January 4th my life improved. Tosha, Seth’s aunt is pretty much just like my family now. She’s as close to me as I am to her and it’s a wonderful relationship we share. She has a daughter, Nohie Eliza-Gale McDaniel, and she is beautiful. She turned one on the fourth. Of course, it being Seth’s niece he was at the party. I was civil, more than civil. We had casual conversation and near the end of the party he asked if I’d like to hang out. I said yes, after consulting Tosha. He said he needed to talk to me about some things.

We went back to his house, which flooded my mind with happy memories and almost brought tears to my eyes. Jesus, just the sound of his five-speed always made my stomach jump into immediate fits of fluttering butterflies when I would stay at Tosha’s and hear him go by. We went to his room and started a movie. We talked about a lot of things. The night he broke up with me the final time, he was drunk and had backslid and had a breakdown and was afraid. I was the longest girlfriend he’s ever had, and the only one he’s actually loved. We spoke about my feelings on the matter, how he hurt me so severely with the things he did. We’re talking every day on the phone now. We are not in a relationship again as of yet. We are taking things slow. He’s matured. He now has a job where he is an iron-worker and brings home nine hundred dollars every two weeks. That is a large improvement from Subway. He’s grown, I can tell just by his demeanor and his mentality has changed. When his mother asks what will happen if he starts to feel the fear of commitment again he says and I quote, “Suck it the fuck up and get over it because I love her and I know I need her.” What he doesn’t know is that I need him just as much. I’ve worked on my clingy nature, and I can even tell I’m getting better about over-smothering and such. We shall see what happens. For the first time in almost half a year, I am happy.

Just Jo Ann.

Mentally Unstable + Shift In Life = Loss of Voice.

oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:31:25 AM): Merry Christmas Baby! =]
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:31:55 AM): I can’t wait to see you. I’m all packed up and everything. =] Excited yet? =]
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:32:32 AM): no
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:32:51 AM): my mind is racing a million miles a second and i wanna run away
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:32:57 AM): What?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:33:39 AM): ..
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:34:12 AM): its hard to explain
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:34:20 AM): well not really
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:34:35 AM): i just dont know what to do or say or anything
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:34:53 AM): is that a bad thing?…
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:35:20 AM): most likey yes
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:35:41 AM): …
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:36:13 AM): im kinda confused..
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:37:05 AM): ik you are
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:37:27 AM): and i should have said something soon
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:37:52 AM): but recently thing have been coming up and changing and evrything is just so screwy
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:37:59 AM): …
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:38:15 AM): What does that have to do..with..
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:38:46 AM): everything
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:39:09 AM): you, us, you coming here, me my friends
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:39:20 AM): So what am I supposed to do now?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:39:52 AM): i dont even know what im suppose to do
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:40:04 AM): What happened? What’s changed and come up and all this shit?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:40:56 AM): It’s a little fucking important that I know.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:41:40 AM): i met someone……
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:41:47 AM): Thought so.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:41:54 AM): That’s nice of you.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:42:13 AM): What am I supposed to do now? Huh?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:42:24 AM): Fucking lose 200 dollars that was supposed to be spent on bills?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:43:11 AM): TELL ME WHAT IM SUPPOSE TO DO.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:43:24 AM): You couldn’t have fucking TOLD ME?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:43:36 AM): This is great.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:44:00 AM): “We’re gonna go so many places babe.” “It’s gonna be so fun.” “I keep wondering how to plan what we’ll do.” WHAT WAS THAT BULLSHIT BARRY? HUH?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:44:03 AM): FUCKING SAY SOMETHING.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:45:47 AM): that was before i met this person
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:45:51 AM): Right.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:45:53 AM): I’m fucking sure.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:46:04 AM): Why didn’t you fucking tell me sooner, Barry?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:46:50 AM): cuz i thought i could make it work out
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:47:29 AM): Fucking how? LIE TO ME?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:48:28 AM): its more then me just meeting someone to
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:48:43 AM): its you been here more then a week
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:48:52 AM): HAHAHA
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:48:56 AM): OH MY FUCKING GOD.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:49:52 AM): what am I supposed to do?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:50:07 AM): You were fine with it to begin with.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:50:08 AM): YOU WERE FINE.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:50:12 AM): WHY DID YOU WAIT SO FUCKING LONG?!
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:50:57 AM): FUCKING TALK
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:52:07 AM): there are people i wanna spend time with and things that i wanna
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:52:21 AM): WHY. DID. YOU. WAIT. SO. LONG?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:52:24 AM): WHY DID YOU LEAD ME ON?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:52:32 AM): Are you gonna fucking pay me back for my fucking WASTED MONEY?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 11:53:08 AM): im gonna have to
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:53:19 AM): Fucking LESS THAN A DAY.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:53:22 AM): And now you decide to tell me?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:53:33 AM): I should’ve fucking known that you would do something like this.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:54:10 AM): Are you ACTUALLY going to fucking pay me back?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:54:21 AM): Or will you just say that shit to get me to leave you alone? CAuse I’m not sure if I can even fucking TRUST YOU anymore.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:56:05 AM): TALK.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:57:24 AM): BARRY.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:57:27 AM): If that is your real name.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:57:28 AM): HAH!
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:57:32 AM): What a laugh.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 11:58:42 AM): I wish you’d at least fucking talk. Barry.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:00:06 PM): TAlk.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:00:09 PM): FUCKING PLEASE.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:00:33 PM): SAy fucking SOMETHING.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:01:05 PM): Barry please….
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:01:36 PM): i’ll send a check tomorrow
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:01:43 PM): idk what to say
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:02:17 PM): Everyone..everyone always fucking leaves me. I guess I should be used to it.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:12 PM): I trusted you…
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:16 PM): That’s really hard…really fucking hard.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:22 PM): But I had a feeling…haha.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:33 PM): I dyed my hair..I bought shoes..so that I could look good..
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:37 PM): and you don’t even want me.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:03:41 PM): So who the fuck else is going to?
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:04:29 PM): You have no idea what you’ve done to me..
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:04:35 PM): You can’t take a fucking unstable person and do this…
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:06:50 PM): idk what else to do
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:07:01 PM): i didnt wanna play you
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:07:09 PM): Welll apparently ou aqlready have been.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:07:11 PM): but i guess in a way i already have
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:07:17 PM): HAHA
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:07:22 PM): That’s such a fuckin’ laugh.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:08:25 PM): you think this shit isnt hard on me either
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:08:42 PM): i jst trying to do what i thnik is best for myself
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:09:09 PM): I should’ve done that a long time ago.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:09:42 PM): you were right when you were asking what is gonna happen between us
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:09:49 PM): there is just to much
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:10:00 PM): we cant be together
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:12 PM): I know.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:16 PM): I just didn’t want to fucking say it.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:10:20 PM): you live in TN and are still in school
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:21 PM): What a fuckin’ laugh Barry.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:10:25 PM): i live in WI
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:28 PM): Yeah yeah.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:31 PM): I know the fucking drill, okay/
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:38 PM): I’ve heard it enough. I know it.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:10:42 PM): what happnes after you leave then
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:50 PM): I don’t fucking know.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:53 PM): Just..
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:10:57 PM): I don’t know.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:11:09 PM): i dint plan for this shit
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:11:14 PM): I just lost my fucking voice. HA.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:12:08 PM): i’ll send my the money tomorrow
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:12:11 PM): im gonna go
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:12:17 PM): …
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:12:40 PM): i shouldnt be around anymore
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:12:44 PM): What?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:13:08 PM): nothing
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:13:16 PM): that what i am
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:13:23 PM): I fucking cared about you.
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:13:35 PM): im going to my dads
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:13:39 PM): Why do you think I screamed my voice away?
Barry Ott (12/25/2008 12:13:46 PM): i need to get away for awhile
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:13:55 PM): Run away.
oioitakeyerboots (12/25/2008 12:14:34 PM): You’ll learn it doesn’t solve anything. It just makes shit worse.

Tennessee, Chicago, Wisconsin, Chicago, Tennessee.

I’m worried about dressing warm.  I’ll be in the Ohare airport at around seven in the morning on the 26th, leaving a mere hour and twelve minutes after arriving.

Soon after,  Wisconsin is going to show me more snow than I have ever seen.  I’m worried about looking like a Southerner in the North, BUT I AM!!!!

I’m buying Thermals, lots of them, and a big scarf and some of those fuzzy snow boots that are oh so comfy looking. Possibly investing in some earmuffs as well. xDD  Oh jeez what have I gotten myself into?

Just Jo Ann

FREEZING HER ASS OFF SOON! =D

I am prepared to kill.

Seth’s aunt communicated a message from him, because he is blocked on all of my accounts, for good reason, of course.  I’m not going to message him, right now. In the future, who knows? Probably not though. That kid fucked me up in the head, probably because I just let him get to me too much.  Fuck it, don’t even care.

My friend, just friend I assure you, Marc was living in a homeless shelter, courtesy of his mother dumping him there and saying she’d come back for him, but she didn’t. She brought him up here from Florida for the holidays and mom and I’ve decided that he’s going to live with us, because it would be horrible for him to go back to that place. What the future holds for him? I’m going to try my damned best to get him up on his feet and on his own.

Love,

Just Jo Ann

To My Dearest Darling Readers.

“You little fucking bastard, take your money and get out, you little son of a bitch. You’re so fucking sorry. You’re too sorry to even do your fucking school work. Too busy with computers and dope I reckon. ”

I love you too, mom.

She does the same thing dad did, only lacking the physical abuse.

I Thought It Was A Love Story, But You Don’t Wanna Get Involved.

Haunted by TakeMyWorldApart @ Deviantart.com

Haunted by TakeMyWorldApart @ Deviantart.com

I thought it was a love story, but you don’t wanna get involved.

I thought it was a love story, but you’re not ready for that.

Me neither.

I would have waited, like a week or two.

But you never try to reach me, no.

You never call me back.

-Soko “I’ll Kill Her”

I find myself with a dilemma on my plate.  I have the boy from Wisconsin, let’s call him B, and a boy here, let’s call him Z.  Both are amazing boys, except Z has stood me up once for a date and I can not yet confirm whether or not he is reliable.  B lives ALL the way in Wisconsin, and a relationship with him would be hard to pursue unless I were to move there, or he to here.  Now, Z is a very intelligent boy, he’s kind, sweet, and most of all caring.  He has a great sense of humor and makes me feel, well let’s just say he gives me butterflies.  As for B, I don’t know yet, for I have not met him, so here’s the problem.  I can go to Wisconsin, meet B and see how that all turns out or I can somehow call off everything with B in pursuit of Z, who said and I quote, “I’ll wait until the train comes back around”.  I don’t know what to do, but I suppose I shall visit B in Wisconsin and see how I’m attracted to him and if all ends horribly, then I shall fall back on Z, if all does not, then I suppose I will be pursuing a long-distance relationship with B, which just might kill me right now, or three months from now, whatever.  I don’t know, whatever may come can come as it will.

Love,

Just Jo Ann

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

Marc: Maybe I should call you tonight. I don’t know.
Jo Annimal: I gotta go make a pot of coffee soon.
Jo Annimal: I’ll most likely be on the internet talking to Barry.
Marc: 80% of the time there’s no answer.
Marc: Oh, great, it’s a Barry now.
Jo Annimal: Yes, yes it is.
Marc: Next month, it’ll be Wally, or some shit.
Jo Annimal: xD
Jo Annimal: Wally, uhm, no.
Marc: Women and their pathological co-dependency.
Marc: I don’t understand it.
Jo Annimal: Yeah, well, this one’s actually pretty good.
Marc: Right.
Jo Annimal: Stable job, car, home.
Jo Annimal: Not a douchebag, that’s always a plus.
Marc: That’s what you said about Donnie, and Seth, and so on.
Jo Annimal: No I didn’t.
Jo Annimal: Donnie nor Seth were stable or dependable, and they weren’t responsible adults.
Marc: Uh, yeah, you did.
Marc: They were all better than the one before.
Jo Annimal: Yeah, well, I’m not blinding myself with this one.
Jo Annimal: He actually isn’t bad at all.
Jo Annimal: Except that he lives…idk, 800 miles away. xD
Marc: How long have you known him?
Jo Annimal: Mm, since I was 13.
Marc: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Marc: Go make your coffee.
Jo Annimal: Don’t be a douche.
Marc: I’m not being a douche.
Jo Annimal: He’s really nice..
Marc: I’m sure he is, but he’s still HUMAN.
Marc: You’ve been fucked over so many times over such a short period of time, romantic relationships should be the LAST fucking thing on your mind.
Marc: But, no, you just keep slitting your own throat over and over again, because this guy is so much better and so much sweeter than the last.
Jo Annimal: I’m just trying to find someone, Marc.
Marc: Take a few minutes and really think about it, how well do you really know anyone?
Marc: You’re only 17!
Jo Annimal: I KNOW BUT STILL!
Marc: If you don’t find your soul mate by the time you turn 40, then be concerned.
Jo Annimal: It’s not the greatest thing in the world to be alone, alright? It’s not the greatest thing in the world to watch your friends be happy with someone else, it’s not.
Marc: Then you should find something else. A hobby or something.
Marc: I hate seeing you do this to yourself all over again.
Jo Annimal: How do you know that this one is going to disappoint me?
Marc: What are the chances THIS one is going to be everyting you’ve wanted?
Jo Annimal: I don’t know..
Marc: How do you know HE will stay with you when the shit really hits the fan?
Jo Annimal: I DONT know, but I’m taking the fucking chance.
Marc: That’s your problem, you’re always investing everything you have in one person without considering the circumstances.
Marc: Eventually, you are going to drive yourself insane doing this.
Marc: Always looking at everything on the surface, and making your call based on that alone.
Marc: And you don’t understand the front guys put up just to get a woman in their pants.
Marc: The charm, the sweetness, 99 times out of 100 it isn’t even real.
Jo Annimal: I know that.
Marc: Stop doing this to yourself, please.
Marc: You did it with me, you did it with Andrew, Donnie, and Seth.

What if he’s right?  I just want someone who I can spend time with, share life with, care about, who cares about me, who  I can POSSIBLY some day love.  My God why do I have to care so much about others’ opinions?   Someone shoot me, this is getting bad.

Just Jo Ann

Just That.